Birth Story

Sarah and Booker
Dave and Booker

Booker Evans Brakke arrived on Friday, December 9th at 4:51 pm! Two days after his due date. Labor started for me about 9:30 pm on Thursday evening. I had actually been at my 40 week appointment that morning, and had an ultrasound due to slightly reduced movement. Of course, during the ultrasound, he wouldn’t stop moving.  I had exercised that morning, as per usual. I did T25 speed 1.0 modified, and walked the dogs two miles.  I made ornaments with the dogs pawprints the day prior, and finished them in the afternoon. That evening, I felt pretty normal…nights prior I usually didn’t feel to hot in the evenings..crampy or just sore..bloated etc.

I went to the bathroom before I was going to go to bed. I leaned forward while sitting on the toilet and felt a pop inside of my abdomen. I was pretty surprised! I thought hmmm…this might be the water breaking…as I was going to the bathroom at the time, I couldn’t really tell. However, I was extremely uncomfortable afterwards, with what must have been contractions. I couldn’t lay down, or even imagine sleeping. So, I decided to sit on my exercise ball. My water broke even more, and came gushing out. Luckily, I had a pad on, but it still was a mess. Decided to call the hospital and see if I should come in even though contractions didn’t seem to have an obvious beginning and end. Because my water had broken, they wanted me to come in.

At this point it was after 11 pm, and we arrived around midnight at the emergency room. We were admitted, and they hooked me up to a monitor so they could do an ultrasound and listen to baby’s heartbeat. They also did a test to see if it was indeed amniotic fluid. The nurse said it would take about ten mins to come back either positive or negative. It took less than two mins! I was VERY very very uncomfortable. The contractions did not feel at all like I had thought they would. Even now, I’m not sure I can describe them. They were so close together, I feel as though if I had been dilated enough he would have been born immediately. Sadly, I was only dilated 1 cm and had to wait allllll day the next day to get to 10 cm on my own. I drank a lot of juice, as I was not allowed food.

We were moved to a labor and delivery room not long after being admitted where we stayed from shortly after midnight until 4:51pm the next afternoon. It was a long haul.

I had planned on not getting an epidural. I was thinking that if my mother could do it without one and just focus on her breathing that she had learned in her classes, then I could also. I planned on walking,  using my exercise ball, and taking some soaking time in the tub. I did do these things, but because my contractions were so close together and so strong, and my cervix was not dilated that much, I couldn’t handle it. More water came out of me while I was on the ball, I decided to get in the tub, and at that point the contractions got so strong I couldn’t even relax my body. I sat on the ball a bit more while deciding whether or not I wanted medication, and vomited. Contractions got worse and at that point I did take two different types that dulled my mental sense of the pain and made me feel drunk and silly, but I was still aware of the pain. I finally decided that hey lets not be wonder woman, and I got an epidural. I am so happy that I did. It made the whole process more bearable.

Additionally, they also had to slow down my contractions because they were too powerful. It was a long day, to say the least. My mom joined us around 8:30 am the next morning while I was still waiting to dilate, and she went home to take care of our dogs. I started pushing around 1. It did not seem that long, but it was a difficult process. I had not been using my epidural a lot, because the nurses had made it sound like I wouldn’t have much control, so the initial decent of his head down the birth canal was painful. so painful. I could feel it just sitting there. and feel it after each push. I was strong enough to push but the pain was ridiculous. I am of the mind that it was because it was a dry birth so to speak. My water had broken several hours before hand and Booker and just been sitting there at my cervix waiting to go. I had no lubrication to help him out.

I remember feeling it stuck there, his head, before the doctor said YES push the epidural button! lol. I looked at mom, and looked at dave and thought to myself JUST GET IT OUT! but I said nothing. All I could think was I can’t go back, I can’t go forward, I’m just STUCK. What do I do. How do I focus, nothing was alleviating that feeling. Honestly, that was the most painful part, his head in the canal. When I got past that and tried different pushing positions the process went more easily. I have to say the labor doctor I had was phenomenal and the assistance of my mom and my husband was fantastic. They held my legs for me as I pushed and were both very supportive.

I did not feel him come out, but I did receive a second degree tear. In total the whole process was about 13 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing. Because my water had broken so early on in the process, they did keep us an extra night and had to check his blood sugar throughout his first day of life. He then was circumcised on Sunday before we went home that afternoon. I was so traumatized letting him go to get that procedure done.

Katie and Rhonda came and visited me (Rhonda brought me a cupcake! :D) in the hospital, and another gal I knew from work also worked in the cafeteria and sent me up a cute little message with my breakfast the first morning.

I started writing this post when he was a couple weeks old, now as I finish the last half of this post, he is almost two months old (next week). Because of that I’ve lost some of the raw details and this post is really disjointed – much like my thought process now is! Life has been a blur. I have been breastfeeding and it seems like that is all I do. Nights are not so bad as he only wakes us up this past month once. I can handle that. He is fun to play with and interact with as he gets a little bit more active every day. His smiles just slay me. I also really enjoy watching my parents play with him. Most days I do very well and am quite happy with my new life and cannot wait to watch him grow up (I can’t wait till he doesn’t need to nurse every 1.5 hours so we can go out more without the crying and needing to feed and I really suck at feeding without my nursing pillow). However as the day wears on and sometimes he doesn’t want to nap and just wants to nurse or he has such bad gas he cries a lot…or I’m just sleep deprived I do start to get a little on edge when Dave comes home and does his own thing while I am still with the baby. He does help quite a bit, but sometimes I do feel resentful. I remind myself he is working full time at a stressful job for our family, and he deserves his down time. He needs it more than me because of his depression and anxiety. Tell that to a tired mama in her sweat pants with a crying baby or a sore back after sitting down nursing for 6-8 hours a day 😀

I feel the most guilty about puppy quality time. Also I feel dumb because I cant remember any damn songs to sing. My parents and I used to sing all the time. I am going to have to start looking up lyrics. Additionally, since his birth I’ve only been able to walk the dogs like two or three times, and I feel bad not exercising them or being able to play with them as much. Because of this I have left them at mom and dads twice for a week and picked them up the following weekend so that they could run and get some of that pent up energy out!

So far, being a mom has been tiring (with a few moments of awesome and intense feelings of love), but those first two or three weeks are tough. Mom stayed with us for one week, and I cried when she left. Dave took half days the first week too to help out at night, and that was very nice.

I’ve not been good at cleaning the house or napping when he sleeps. I have probably dusted and cleaned the bathrooms twice since he was born 😡 I do however get my workouts in every day and try to keep the kitchen clean and remember to put away my half of the laundry. I will get the schedule down soon, and it gets easier every day. It is all about your mental state, and I’ve always made sure to get in my workouts and showers. I read and watch movies while he eats. I have even managed to play a few LoL games!  I’ve always been the kind of person who can’t wait for the next stage, so I am reminding myself to enjoy his little bitty body and all his little mewls and smiles and thrashing and coos and marvel at his tiny hands and feet and deep blue eyes so I can remember them when he tells me I’m stupid and he hates me as he gets older 🙂

I love you little Bookie Bear, and I’m so glad for all the sleepless nights even though at the time I stand there in the dark with the music playing and the lamp on as I rock you back and forth willing you to shut your damn eyes and go to sleep. I’ll miss them when I can’t hold you anymore. So, you get carried a lot 🙂

 

 

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